Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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