Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
