Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize