Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i dont even know how to be here
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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