I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
