Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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