If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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