I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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