he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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