I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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