He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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