So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
