I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
