I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
