I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
