i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
