Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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