he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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