Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
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it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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