Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize