I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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