a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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