the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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