one two three fourrrrnication!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
