when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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