i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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