pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
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He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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