a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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