my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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