Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
