And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
