i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
