i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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