marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
