The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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