Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize