sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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