While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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