dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
