god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
