Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
