They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize