Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
