You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
