i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm getting married
To pizza
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
