i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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