he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
