people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
