Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
