my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
