Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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