Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize