Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
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Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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