Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
