I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
