My liver just broke up with me...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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