Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
