Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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