If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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