exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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