The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
