When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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