none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
