Im at strip club and am horny
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
