I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
