4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
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this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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