So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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