do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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