This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
